Monday, September 17, 2012

Making New Friends & Dating as an Adult

I've been seeing this guy for a while, like since the end of winter (I know, it's probably some kind of record and yes, it does freak me out), and to my shock and dismay, he's becoming a really good friend and someone I enjoy having around. I enjoy having him around so much that I invite him to sleep over and I like it.

I've even introduced this new Friend of mine to some of my friends and met a few of his. This whole dating as an adult thing is so new and foreign and interesting and glorious to me. Imagine- being friends with someone before coming to the conclusion that you like them enough to commit to them. Who knew that it was possible? Certainly not 21 year old me who committed to a guy she met online within a week of meeting him. Definitely, 100% not 18 year old me who was convinced she would marry the 23 year old Baptist virgin co-worker she fell in "love" with and corrupted.

Saturday night I went to a get-together for my new Friend's friend's birthday. Here's the best part: The party was for Friend's ex-girlfriend. Yes! I know, it's kind of awesome.

It does flatter me that he would introduce me to his ex, who is now simply a good friend to him. I've told a couple of my friends about my weekend and their first reaction was, of course, "Ok, that's weird. Is he using you to make her jealous?" and no. It's definitely not like that. People, stop trying to make drama and create doubt where the should be none.

So ex-girlfriend (who is also a redhead), is asking Friend about his parents, how they're doing. She turns to me and asks me if I've met his parents yet. I couldn't help it, my reaction was to laugh sort of hysterically. No, no I have absolutely not met his parents yet. But it got me thinking, how do adults go about deciding when the time is right to introduce new friends to their parents and isn't it fucking awkward? Because I feel like it's going to be awkward when I do decide to take someone to meet my amazing (read crazy) family. Do I wait until I have decided I, like, love someone to introduce them? Do I bring this person who I've already decided I care about home to my parents' house? But then what if I already care about this person and know that I want them in my life but my family hates him?

Or, should I introduce them right away, before I even know how I feel about them so I can get an opinion from my family, since they're usually right?  Do we go to dinner? Lunch? Why the fuck am I thinking about this so much? Now that it's been brought up, it's giving me slight anxiety to think about. Maybe I should just add "parents deceased" to my list of requirements for men I date seriously?

Friend's parents aren't deceased and I'm not sure I'm willing to cut him off of my potential boyfriends list any time soon. So maybe, if it gets to the point that I'm introduced to his family and it doesn't go well, I'll start my search for the perfect guy- with dead family- after that.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I Seem to You to Seek a New Disaster Every Day

Be kind to me, or treat me mean; I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine.

This Fiona Apple lyric has been on loop in my mind for the last few months, particularly since I saw her in concert in St. Louis in July.

I'm constantly reminding myself of how resilient I am, of how much I have bounced back from. I really am an extraordinary machine, I have the ability to choose how I let things affect me, of how I react to them. And I've done a pretty stellar job of dealing with things lately.

I am finally able to talk about the things that have happened in a matter-of-fact way. I've accepted that I played a role in the events of my past. I'm ok with this because of how much I learned and where it has gotten me. I think I know more about myself than most 28 year old women ever will, because I've allowed myself to take a time out and get it together.

There are things that I know, without a doubt, about myself that took me a while to come to terms with but I have. I respect these truths, even try to nurture them and grow them into things that will shape my future in positive ways. At this point in my life, I only want to surround myself with people who can respect these things because above all, I have decided that life is too short to spend time with people who make you fucking miserable.

Thankfully, I have an amazing family who, for the most part and to the best of their ability, supports the choices I've made in my past and seem to understand and support the things I want for my future. How many girls can really say they have really considered their choices in life- not what we are "supposed" to want or do, but what they really want? I hope it's more than I think it may be, but I don't think many of us take the time to consider our options.

No matter what I'm dealing with or how down I am, I can always know that I have never stopped nurturing the relationship I have with myself and trying to find what makes me happy regardless of how uncomfortable it may be or how abnormal it may seem to others. And that's what makes me the amazing, crazy mess that I am.