I Seem to You to Seek a New Disaster Every Day

Be kind to me, or treat me mean; I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine.

This Fiona Apple lyric has been on loop in my mind for the last few months, particularly since I saw her in concert in St. Louis in July.

I'm constantly reminding myself of how resilient I am, of how much I have bounced back from. I really am an extraordinary machine, I have the ability to choose how I let things affect me, of how I react to them. And I've done a pretty stellar job of dealing with things lately.

I am finally able to talk about the things that have happened in a matter-of-fact way. I've accepted that I played a role in the events of my past. I'm ok with this because of how much I learned and where it has gotten me. I think I know more about myself than most 28 year old women ever will, because I've allowed myself to take a time out and get it together.

There are things that I know, without a doubt, about myself that took me a while to come to terms with but I have. I respect these truths, even try to nurture them and grow them into things that will shape my future in positive ways. At this point in my life, I only want to surround myself with people who can respect these things because above all, I have decided that life is too short to spend time with people who make you fucking miserable.

Thankfully, I have an amazing family who, for the most part and to the best of their ability, supports the choices I've made in my past and seem to understand and support the things I want for my future. How many girls can really say they have really considered their choices in life- not what we are "supposed" to want or do, but what they really want? I hope it's more than I think it may be, but I don't think many of us take the time to consider our options.

No matter what I'm dealing with or how down I am, I can always know that I have never stopped nurturing the relationship I have with myself and trying to find what makes me happy regardless of how uncomfortable it may be or how abnormal it may seem to others. And that's what makes me the amazing, crazy mess that I am.